I'm continuing to experience a lot of personal stress which I try to keep safely bottled up. I don't see much reason to have all of my relationships affected at this point - my poor boyfriend sadly can't escape the bulk of it. I work really, really hard on putting on a solid game face when it is game face time.
Today is a day for my game face. A few people will be here to watch the Oscars later on and I would like to enjoy it. I'm cleaning my house and head and for some reason asking The National to perk me up.
This is a mistake.
In earlier days, The National's "Alligator" was so often the perfect choice for thinking about, and regretting, drinking, partying, fucking, loving, etc. They have lyrics about being drunk sparkling and running and laughing and feeling a little lost while trying to be great at mediocrity. And it was poetic, so I could feel smart and pained simultaneously. I loved it!
I just got the newer album "Boxer" and I realize that they have grown up, just like I have. The lyrics are more about loneliness and faking it through stale expectations. This song "Green Gloves" is a downer right now. He sings:
Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they’re staying glued together,
I have arms for them.
Okay. That is not going to work for today. I am turning off The National, but will keep it handy for when I am ready to mope, which will likely be soon. Now I'm gonna listen to Vengaboys and TLC until it is time to watch television and be social.
It is possible I'll attempt a half-assed live blog later on. I realize that the internet seriously lacks oscar coverage, and my legions of fans rely on me for news. Delivering is a possibility. I love you guys. xo.