HUNGOVER PORTLAND

The Hangover: Not MY Hangover! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!

So it is Friday night, and I know many of you drunks will be flocking to theaters (sorry, the cinema) to catch "The Hangover" this weekend.  That's nice.  I respect your decision to do so.  I kinda toyed with the idea of doing the same. But I will not.  And the reason I will not is because the movie looks craptastic.  The movie looks craptastic for several reasons.  Let me explain.

I have been looking forward to this movie for months.  I love Galifianakis, I love hangovers, what's not to like, right? NO!  Wrong!!  This movie may as well be titled "Dude, Where's My Hangover?".  I mean - please.  PLEASE.

HI HI HI HI HI!

I'm practically famous now after a wonderful hyperlink from my favorite functioning alcoholics over at Blogtown.  For newbies, welcome to my blog.  You look sexy...sexually.  Allow me to modestly fill you in on a few things.

This blog is freshly relaunched after a somewhat sober hiatus.  I lightened up on the sauce over the winter after some holiday-related alcohol crappiness, but booze and I are working things out over some stiff drinks. And smokes (um...whoops). 

Shit.

What I'm trying to say is, thank you for being a friend.  I'm off for a cocktail (bunches of them!), but we'll chat more later, mmkay? Maybe tomorrow?  This weekend is going to be NICE. 

I'd like to kick shit off with a repeat of one of my FAVORITE animal clips (and coming from a woman who spends a gross amount of time watching such things on the internet, that's saying a lot).  This is especially relevant today, thanks in large part to the gross amount of PBR I drank last night.  (Farts.)

FRIDAY!!

Shhhhhh. Kitties.

The comments over on blogtown have been near-unreadable lately, what with our mayor's sex life and the merits of bacon being fiercely debated.

There was a real fleck of gold found in that shit-stream (to which I unashamedly contribute). I've liberated it and am sharing with you people, just like our socialist pres would want me to do:



You're welcome.

Comrade Joneser

Thanks, ROM.

Our national hangover

Thank sweet fucking Christ, it's almost over.

Still at work and daydreaming over lunch...

I'm sipping some soup and trolling the blogs from my desk.

Have I mentioned recently that I quit smoking?  I thought I was getting over it.

Then I saw this picture of the adorable-yet-foxy-and-undespisable Mila Kunis.

Even with the zombie makeup, it's just such a beautiful thing.

*sigh*

**really deep sigh**

Back to work.

Something nice if you're on hold this morning.

Hi, lovers.  I'm currently at work and on hold with a bureaucratic monster, thinking about all of you. And thinking about...well, lots of other things besides work.

I am once again totally the opposite of hungover this morning.  Last night was book club, where we usually down more bottles of wine than we have members, but I passed, and totally blew the club average.  Sorry, ladies!  I'll get you back next month. 

Anyways, one of my fantastic and pretty friends alerted me to her blog.  For those of you who feel cuddly and fogged in and wanting something soft and pretty, check it out...HERE!!  (It's best for girls, fyi.)

Still on hold, drifting off to other internet locales, gotta go.  Have nice Thursdays!  I hope you are visited by several attractive people and/or things, and that you make out with somebody nice. 

xoxo

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! It's like my idea, but better!!!

Since I'm not hungover these days (BOOOOO!!!!) I had to just do a little google of hangovers to find you some important and interesting content.

I found this little story about "I feel" sites for the cities of London, Toronto, and New York.  Depending on your mood (and yes, hungover is an option), you can find a user-generated google-map to get you through your day. 

GIMME!  GIMME!  GIMME!!!  How has this idea never occurred to me?  And how do I make something similar work for my site?  Let's do it here before that shit spreads to Portland!! 

Google maps aren't that hard, right? 

Team: in 2009, let's get a little bit more serious about our hangovers.  Once I start getting them again, OH HOLY FUCK SHIT MAN will I use a map.  So, somebody teach me how. And then let's do it!!

Cheerzaritas! Wait...really?

I've been drinking an awful lot of red wine this week, but no hangovers of bloggable worth.  So tonight I've been reading up on national hangover news and came across this gem.

Apparently, the geniuses in bed (he he) with Playboy Mansion branding have developed a new product called Cheerzaritas.  If you follow that link you'll be presented a recipe for a hangover-free cocktail that includes tequila, curucao, triple sec, some citrus, and what they have dubbed an "intellishot" of this supposedly magical mixer.  Drink approximately one million, and you'll still feel great the next day! 

Additional research has uncovered reviews from boozehounds who vouch for its effectiveness, including comments such as "I put this sucker through its paces over the weekend. I have only one question: how the hell can I get a lifetime supply of this stuff?"  Even the freakin' CEO of the company, who would have no clear reason to misinform, confirms that the stuff leads to responsible drinking.  So not only will you feel physically fine the next day, you will also avoid the shame that is so often present the day after.

I am skeptical.   I've found my own special vitamin for hangover comfort, and have a regular routine for egg sandwich production.  Could this be better?  I welcome insight.  The name cheerzarita in and of itself is reason to not test it.  Anybody else?  Drink it up (responsibly, of course) and tell me all about it!

Barfing at Denny's on MLK

On Wednesday night my older brother went to a Benson Jones show and got wasted off well whiskey.

On Thursday he went to Denny's on MLK for lunch with his ex-girlfriend and barfed.

TERRIBLE NEWS FOR THOSE WHO LOVE A GOOD TIME

As if the world wasn't in the shitter enough these days, I've just read that Hardy Myers & Co want to get their laws and paws on the joy that is SPARKS.

NOOOOO!!!!!

Per the Willamette Week, the upcoming introduction of Sparks motherfucking RED has got some bureaucratic panties in a bunch for the safety of America's teens.  A bunch of attorneys general [not "attorney generals"; you're welcome, Mr. President] wrote the following:

Adding caffeine and other stimulants to alcohol is particularly dangerous because these additives tend to reduce the drinker's perception of intoxication and promote the delusion of drinking and functioning without impairment. 

Yes, we know, and consider it the holy grail.  Sparks Blue is my very favorite weekend-evening-having-a-drink-while-jamming-out-and-putting-on-makeup beverage!  How could they take this away from me?!?  I'm an adult and this shit is legal so keep it on the shelves!  AND WHAT IF SPARKS RED IS EVEN BETTER THAN SPARKS BLUE?  I NEED TO TRY IT!!!

I understand that their concern is the ease with which the youth can buy it, but I made it through my underage days and now deserve a peppy boost of energy and alcohol.  And although I in no way support alcohol being sold to minors, uh, guys, don't you think that America's youth might need a refreshing break from pondering the doom that may be their future?  Not condoning, just sayin'. 

Ladies and gentlemen, keep supporting the availability of Sparks at your local grocers and convenience stores and booze-related education of our youth so that this wonderful, amazing, and delicious beverage gives us hangovers for years to come.

Confidential to WW: TILT sucks.

Also, thanks for the tip, buddy.