HUNGOVER PORTLAND

Serious decision.

Tomorrow, both of my sets of parents will come to the city to meet Mr. Joneser's parents.  We will host them for dinner.  They have not met each other before.  I am nervous. 

And I wonder:

Should I get super drunk, or not drunk at all? 

I just don't know.

Hello, V Day. Hello, Frosting.

I didn't work in this office building last Valentine's Day, so I had no idea that they bring in MINI BROWNIES WITH PINK FROSTING AND SPRINKLES to celebrate this retarded holiday.  At 8:30 this morning, I found myself suddenly in the mood to celebrate. 

Then later, after I just finished lunch, and went into the office kitchen to wash up.  The skinny girl who always eats a salad for lunch was in there, next to the brownies.  "Excuse me, Tiny, " I said, "I need more frosting."  (I didn't actually call her Tiny, but I felt like it.  Salad? Every day?  Please.)

Anyways, this sugar coma reminds me that too much frosting in a bad thing, plus that pink dye probably gave me cancer of whatever body part processes feelings of hunger, confusion, and rage.

I fucking hate Valentine's Day. 

Last year I went to QFC alone at about 8pm on Valentine's Day evening.  I was headed to my boyfriend's house, but the people at the store didn't know that.  Anyways, I grabbed two party pizzas, a pint of ice cream, a huge bottle of wine, and a bag of Doritos.  (What.)  The looks that people gave me when they saw what I was carrying around...it's like I had some sort of terrible face rash, like sparkly scabs on my forehead that wrote out SINGLE AND UNLOVABLE.  I milked the pity.  I gave strangers half-smiles as I shuffled around alone.  "He still might call" I explained with my eyes.  "I might not always be alone."  I found a clerk and asked if the chocolate was on sale yet.  He couldn't even look at me.

That was an awesome time.

I plan on spending V-Day on the couch, with a hangover, watching Battlestar Galactica, like it is any other winter Sunday.  I'll avoid pink frosting until then; it is probably super gross to barf up after a bender.

Happy weekend, my Valentines!

Halloweeeeeeeeiner glue and spraypaint

Good morning, angels. It is Halloween! Exciting, right?  I accidentally drank too much last night.  It was a rough week in Jonesertown.  Headache.

I have mixed feelings about this day.  Much like New Year's Eve, Halloween brings out some jerk-offs, and there is this huge pressure to do something memorable and epic.  I'm an adult; the calendar should not be the boss of me. 

I went from age 13 to 26 without preparing a Halloween costume, and the last couple years have worn things handed to me by friends.  But this year I'm making something and I think it will be magical.  Here is a sneak preview:

Can you guess what I am?

I have to put the finishing touches on it today.  That means I'll be sitting in a small basement room using spraypaint and glue.  Will the fumes help or hurt me eliminate this hangover by party time tonight?  Jeez, I suspect that they won't.  I hope this hangover does not ruin my likelihood of earning another one for tomorrow.

Shit, time for some serious self-improvement.  Thank little baby Halloween Jesus for leftover enchiladas and lemonade.  Oh, and tv.

Jean shorts

When I returned to Bloggieland after leave of absence, I stated that I would discuss tackle such hot topics as wearing shorts.  Well, months have elapsed, and summer is officially gone.  I have worn the shit out of my jean shorts this summer. 

I thought about posting pics of my favorite summer weekends in the jean shorts, but...uhh...there were too many.  I should get some new clothes?

But would you?

Yeah, bitches - my knees have been feeling summer breezes all over the great northwest. I like to wear them on a warm hungover weekend day because I do not have to sit ladylike like I would in a dress, and I still look cute.

The shorts above are the only ones I have.  The trick to not feeling like I am 10 years late to a Forever 21 sale was finding the right fit.  The mid-thigh length is on the lame side; I think it makes clear that I am not trying to recapture a cellulite-free youth.  But the tight fit reminds me that I'm a young woman, and not a suburban mom.  They're not skin-tight, though - I dunno, I think that I could be rejected both by the staff of American Apparel and Eddie Bauer, which is usually where I like my cards to fall.

These shorts are old Levi 501s.  Men's pants are unflattering on my stumpy body, so I went Mariah Carey-style and cut off the waistband. 

There you have it.  I like to wear jean shorts when I am hungover, or even when I am not.

I'm off to house-shop now.  (EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!) Bye!

Get back into it.

Hello, sexy bitches.

I had a wonderful vacation in beautiful Montana.  We rode in boats and drove cars and looked at nature and drank beers.  It felt so nice to be away.  Then we made the long drive back to the even more beautiful Oregon, and I let the days of exhaustion catch up with me.  I'm just now feeling like a normal human again.  It is a good feeling!

With labor day behind us, I've felt relieved and ready for fall, but looks like it's gonna be another summery weekend in the city.  So I'll listen to rock and roll and drink some beer and ignore the chores that have been waiting for me since June.  I've have several months of rain to get those done.

Soak up this sun, you pasty Oregonians.  The sweaters and red wine headaches can wait another few days.

xoxo

Hangover memories part 7 POSTPONED.

It has been a busy day.

I'm impressed I did six days in a row.

This should hold you over until tomorrow.

The week of mystery hangover ripoffs

This has been a fairly busy week in Joneser land, both personally and professionally.  And it's been hot out, right?  I've made the obvious decision to enjoy a couple brewdogs or glasses of wine each night this week.  I'm not partying, just relaxing.

So imagine my fucking ripped-off dismay when I've been waking up with a headache each night this week.  Two beers?  Two fucking weasly little beers give me headaches now??  Aw HELL no.  Being 27 = lame sauce served on disappointment with a glass of wasted youth.

I think after the Monday hangover, drinking the rest of the week was just to prove the anomoly.  It was a kind of stupid idea born from my inability to accept my aging liver.  Christ, I'm no scientist; instead, just a lady who has been squinting an awful lot at work.

I haven't bothered to blog up each individual event, because none seemed worthwhile, but this is day 5 AND Friday and I'm looking forward to finishing a busy week of work stress and pansy drinking by getting hammered at some friends' band's show.  [I'd hyperlink to it but bar not in internet?  Oh shit, I'm so underground.]

Anyhoo, a couple of radical things also happened this week.  They are inside the computer jump.  Click for success!

Home from trivia

I am really drunk. Just threw up.  I certainly can't drink like I used to!  So tired.  But I couldn't not google this song that stumped us tonight:

God damn that fucking shit.  FUCK SHIT PUSSY.

Anyways, bedtime for Joneser!  Sleep time, Thursday warriors.  See y'all tomorrow.  I'm gonna be making coleslaw and gearing up for a bestie's engagement party.

Big funky by the hand pretty mama hugs to you all by the hand pretty mama all night long, in dixieland.

xoxo

I'm so hungry.

Blogtown trivia is tonight.  I've gotten hammered at such events in the past, and had some rough Fridays at work.  I'm not complaining, just telling you how it is.

I'm now sitting at my desk, half-heartedly leafing through files and watching the clock while listening to my stomach rumble.  Today I've had some leftover salad, cottage cheese, and part of a cantaloupe, but I feel like I haven't eaten for days.

My mind is already prepared for an evening of beers, but my body is not.  What will I do?

Having a solid base for alcohol is important.  You can't eat too much, or you'll never choke down beer, and then you'll try to switch to shots, but will undoubtedly drink too much and end up puking.  Don't puke!  Just don't get too full before you want to start drinking.  (You can eat a lot after you're already drunk, but that's another post.)  But you can't eat too little, either - how many of you have ever felt fat in the days leading up to a party and barely eaten, only to find that once you started drinking you got drunk way too fast and passed out?  I know I have!

Anyways, this is what I'm thinking about at work right now.  I hope that I find the answer...or that a smallish deli sandwich finds me.

See some of your faces and butts tonight!

xo,
Hungry hungry Joneser

Oh my, don't we love these Saturdays of July....Let's have fun on a budget!

It will be warm and wonderful tomorrow.  How do sunny days make your friends so beautiful, the songs so perfect, and the beer so delicious?  Be hungover, get a hangover, whatever - weekends of Portland summer are fucking amazing. 

And they can be so cheap!

Here are some highlights of my hungover/getting hungover summer Saturdays thus far, and recommendations for my budget-conscious boozehound readers:

Laying in the yard with a book while my boyfriend plays guitar and my cat wanders around, purring.

Supplies needed: guitar, cat, book, and somebody who plays guitar
Cost: free!

Grilling fresh summer vegetables

Supplies needed: whatever veggies you can get for free, some salt, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and a hot grill
Cost: free, if you've got a friend or relative with too much ripe produce.  (I do.)  But still, less than $5 for a zucchini, a couple of bell peppers, and an onion.